My short answer is; Yes! I’ve been spending a lot of time analyzing my own buying habits. Asking pointed questions of myself about ‘wants vs needs’, ‘necessary or unnecessary’, and variations thereof. Needs are easy to define. Wants is where things get messy because my brain is really good at convincing me that a want could kinda sorta be a need, right? This limbo and balancing act is a daily battle as I trudge through life. Something shiny is bound to pop up in my Instagram feed, laptop ads, or on a billboard while driving home. I live in consumer purgatory desperately trying to escape. This is where corporate America wants me. They study us, they watch us, they run algorithms and have statistics whiz kids generating numbers on American’s spending habits daily. And, then they target us and we develop certain spending behaviors or relationships with stuff that can sometimes become unhealthy.
Many of us reward ourselves with things such as clothing, household decor, new jewelry, exotic travel, new hobby supplies, etc in the same way I noted we use alcohol from my previous post found here, https://simpleminimalmidlife.com/the-habit-of-wine/. Bad day: go buy yourself something cute. Great day: go buy yourself a new fishing rod or new shoes or a golf club. Empty baskets or shelves in the house? Gotta go find something to fill that space! I’m trying to get past the idea that I deserve something just because I worked hard. My future self might thank me for doing so despite how easy it is to live in the present and how easy the marketers make it for me to spend.
Ads, ads, and more ads!
The average America sees over 4,000 ads per day. And, those ads have trained my brain to become a consummate consumer. Am I truly so blinded by the marketing and the intentional placement of all these ads, products, services, and paraphernalia that I am not even thinking? I mean, what is blind consumerism? The overarching definition is that blind consumerism is when we purchase without cogitation and, many times, we do so to excess. It’s driven by factors such as social media, desire for status, and, in effect, negates genuine need or thoughtful consideration. It often overlooks the ethical, social, and environmental consequences of consumption. Say what? This is why I am starting to think through my purchases.
This is not how I want to live my life. I strive for intentional living yet I get caught in the web of ads selling me things to solve a problem I never knew I had. As a self professed researcher and learner of all things, I dive into those products, read the reviews, place them in a holding pattern in my virtual shopping carts, and I even declutter some things from my house to convince myself that I’m doing the right thing. But, am I? Are any of us? Have we given up caring about the environment, helping the sustainability movement, caring for the planet we call home? I know I haven’t, but the targeted marketing makes it hard to say no.
We are constantly bombarded with marketing and ads determined to steal money from us. Even at the discount stores and donation centers I see products marketed to me at the checkout. Everything and everyone wants your attention. We become numb to it all and we succumb to consumerism and eventually become blinded by it. We don’t even think when we make impulse purchases or grab the candy bar at the checkout counter. We don’t read the fine print anymore. We have been groomed to ignore those things so that we can truly be blind consumers.
If I, or anyone for that matter, want to become more a conscious consumer or want to make changes in our consumption there are other ways! No matter the reason, we can still say no to consumerism and marketing. Take a look at this article about how marketing influences consumer behavior, https://retail-today.com/how-marketing-influences-consumer-behavior-strategies-and-impact-2/. This is eye opening! As I noted earlier, marketing companies study us. They want to learn our behaviors and see what makes consumers tick as they pick apart their spending patterns. My plan moving forward is to be a more conscious consumer. To make better, and more informed choices. To give each dollar a job and to guide my spending to match my desire to be more intentional. If everyone on the planet made a decision to turn a blind eye to a marketing campaign for just one product a month, think about how much better our planet would be and how much fatter those wallets would be, too.
Why do Dry January when you can do a Dry Year or a Dry Lifetime? I was never one to do New Year’s Resolutions or capitulate to society’s mantras about ‘New Year, New You’. The one thing I know about myself is that I can’t force myself to change my existing habits nor can I create new habits in just 30 days. I never understood Dry January. Just 30 days? What is it this is trying to accomplish? Many use it as a reset or a detox from the debauchery or overindulgence from the holidays. But, if you are trying to change your life, why not go big? 30 days is a drop in the bucket of our lifetimes and, I, personally need more than 30 days to become a ‘new me’. So, I chose to drop alcohol from my life on a random September day. No new year. No new month. But, I knew I needed to change my habit.
About 18 months ago I knew I had a problem. I was drinking a lot of wine. And, by a lot, I mean a half bottle nightly during the week. Maybe that’s not a lot to some people, but it was for me only because I became dependent on the habit and I knew it. Deep down, I knew it. On weekends, I was definitely consuming more. I would plan my life around wine and I let it define my patterns of behavior. I overlooked the crappy hangovers, the poor sleep, the high blood pressure, and the nagging morning cough which, miraculously, went away after I quit the booze. I didn’t, and still don’t, indentify as an alcoholic. I didn’t crave alcohol, I didn’t need it to function, and I knew I could quit if I so desired. Umm, hello, girl, does the term ‘alcohol use disorder’ maybe fit the bill? But, for a few years, I just didn’t want to. My habits had become engrained and changing habits is hard work. It was work I wasn’t willing to do because I was convinced wine was making my life better and, even more tolerable, in many ways. I sold myself lies, I bought into the mantras about needing wine to cope with a bad day, or to celebrate a good day. Bad day; drink wine. Good day; also drink wine. It was a win win!
We’ve all see the cute mantras about “mommy wine culture”, right? Ding, ding…..that’s me! I would navigate my habits around my desire to hold that wine glass in my hand. My life revolved around my bad habit. For example, my boyfriend and I live separately about 15 minutes apart from each other in the city. I would often be at his house on a Sunday afternoon and we’d have a glass or two, or more, if we spread it out during the day. I’d be looking at the clock and paying close attention to the buzz I might have and hoping I could hold off and curb the wine so that I would be OK to drive myself home. I would anxiously think about how I wanted to be home so I could pour myself another glass and not have to worry about driving. I mean, come on, think about how much thought went into this habit of mine. It took mental energy to plan how much I would drink, how long I would take to drink it, and how much I should eat to make sure I don’t get too drunk too fast, and then I’d plan how much more I could drink once I got home so that I wouldn’t be hungover in the morning. So much freaking mental energy. I look back on it now and I think I was bordering on insanity. But, I wasn’t. This was a habit which had me in it’s grip, though, and I knew something had to change.
Not all habits are bad, of course. And, most of what we do during the day is all force of habit. Brushing our teeth, backing the car out of the driveway, which shoe we tie first, and so on. And, I may not have quit drinking so soon if it hadn’t been for a serious bout of chronic alcohol induced gastritis where I felt like someone had stabbed my belly with a knife and turned it a few extra times, for good measure. It was a day of multiple wine tasting rooms, going from one winery to another mindlessly drinking and getting pretty dang drunk along the way. I topped off the night by consuming more wine to add more bodily abuse which, most likely, contributed to my stomach horror the next day. This definitely gave me a real reason to pause and I’m not sure why it hadn’t done so in the past. Throw in the fact that my cardiologist suggested I cut back the alcohol to lower my blood pressure….or else. The ‘or else’ was the fact that he was going to prescribe high blood pressure medication and I wasn’t quite ready to admit I required medication. What I think was so nice of him was that he gently told me to cut back, instead of ordering me to quit. I wonder if most of his patients fought giving up alcohol altogether and in order to get more wins with patients he tells them to cut back to 1-2 drinks per day instead of 4? I was in good health or at least I appeared to be. Yet, the physical side effects were there. I would wake up with a fuzzy coating on my tongue, headache, stomach pain, groggy, my eyes would hurt and be blurry, and I had a weird morning cough that I couldn’t explain. Oh, and throw in the super high blood pressure of 150/95 and I still fought giving up the wine.
SIMPLIFY to SIMPLIFY
When I gave up the pinot noir, I set myself free. Yet, I really didn’t feel free at first. I felt constricted and controlled by my old habit that didn’t want to die. My deprived habit driven mind was telling me I was missing out, I wouldn’t be able to have as much fun as everyone else, I’d be labeled a loser or a bore. In the end, though, I have truly simplified my life by not drinking alcohol. I don’t have to wait for a rideshare and I definitely don’t have to pay for one! I can remember which bar we went to at night and I can drive myself home from dinners out, nightclubs, and holiday parties. Freedom! What a concept. I have also saved quite a bit of money, as well. My blood pressure is in the normal range and has remained there for the past year. I no longer need meds and my stomach seems to be healing. The more steps I take to simplify my life, the better my life becomes. I didn’t realize how quitting drinking would contribute to my simple life and my determination to have less in order to have more. But, what quitting booze gave me was the chance to sit with the whys of ‘habits’ I had developed in life, it gave me the chance to sit with my emotions, and it allowed me to connect with myself in ways I never considered. I faced anger, depression, sadness, and frustration. It opened my eyes to how dependent I was on that buzz and how it controlled me. For something to generate those emotions, damn, that is something pretty powerful.
In the end, I wanted to create a new destiny. A chance to right my health, while gathering more mental clarity. I had discounted how much alcohol played a part in my life. I crave simplicity now and I have alcohol to thank for contributing to my journey, even if it’s not an active participant anymore.
Sounds morbid, I know. The first time I heard the term Swedish Death Cleaning, I immediately pictured a punk rock band. But, I had come across the term when I was doing a search on decluttering topics so I thought maybe the internet algorithms were trying to fool me. It wouldn’t be the first time I was surprised and befuddled by a random internet search! Turns out, Swedish Death Cleaning is a term coined by Margareta Magnussen in her 2018 book titled, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter” published in 2017. The term can be translated from the Swedish word döstädning. The theory behind the term is a process of decluttering and paring down your possessions in order to alleviate your loved one’s stresses after you die as they sort through the items you have left behind.
THE FROG STORY
I think many of us can relate, either through personal experience, or from stories shared by friends of sorting through a loved ones belongings after they have passed. Losing a loved one and grieving is difficult as it is, sorting through their belongings can be even harder. Not only is it physically draining but it’s also mentally exhausting as you try to declutter and place value, either perceived or tangible, upon the items you are sorting and handling. I mean, let’s face it, your grandmother’s collection of ceramic frogs (all 75 of them) might have brought her pleasure, but all you may see are a dust collection. Mixed emotions may begin as a wistful smile on your face as you remember how much she enjoyed looking at them and moving them about on the porch, placing some of them in the sun, dusting them dutifully day in and day out. The secondary emotional response might be one of dread as you try to counter the joy with the possible guilt of realizing you don’t want to keep those dang frogs.
A FRESH PERSPECTIVE
Now, take that frog scenario and multiply it by every item you see before you in your own home. The stuff and things we acquired which fill up corners, crevices, cabinets, and counters in our home can constantly multiply and grow in number if we don’t use some sort of system to filter things by removing them, decluttering them periodically. But, when taking Swedish Death Cleaning into consideration, the opportunity presents itself to take a different approach. To view decluttering in a way where you look at your items through the lens of others and, in doing so, removing some of the emotion and investment attachment we have to our ‘things’. I wrote recently about the Sunk Cost Theory on my blog last month, (https://simpleminimalmidlife.com/decluttering-the-sunk-cost-theory/), and how we hold onto items because it cost us something, we invested in it, and we placed more value on the item personally than someone else. Taking the perspective of Swedish Death Cleaning we can change the narrative and declutter with a clean and fresh viewpoint. Ask yourself these questions; “How would this person or that person view this item?” “Would they cherish it like I did or would they deem it as junk or invaluable and throw it away or donate it?” By answering these questions, we give ourselves the opportunity to move away from emotion and to decide which items are necessary and valuable enough to occupy space in our homes.
FINAL THOUGHTS
I went from apprehension to acceptance when I dug into the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning. The practice of decluttering asks us to take on a new viewpoint, it opens us up to removing our emotional attachment to our clutter, and to determine what might have value to others even if we’re not in our retirement years. Clutter does not have to own us nor do the habits that lead us down the road to clutter such as mindless shopping or holding onto something ‘just because I bought it’. Swedish Death Cleaning can assist anyone who is looking to own less, to obtain control of their clutter, and who is willing to view items through the lens of someone other than themselves.
How many times have you hemmed and hawed about throwing an item out? What thoughts go through your mind as you weigh this decision? Undoubtedly, at some point, you think about the cost. Everything in our lives had a cost and an assigned value that we determine; emotional value, financial value, some type of investment value that we subconsciously place on said thing. This applies to relationships, our jobs, our homes, our investments, and our stuff.
“The best predictor of the future or future behavior is the past. If until this point the relationships, hobby, friendship, job, etc. has not served you in any positive regard, it likely won’t in the future.”
— YALDA SAFAI, MD, MPH
The Sunk Cost Fallacy
Oxford Languages defines the sunk cost fallacy as “the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.” (google)
The Struggle of Letting Go of Stuff
When I decided to overhaul my life and get rid of many of my possessions and accumulated crap (ahem, I mean treasured belongings), I would often run into this roadblock. I had to ask myself why I was holding onto that item. Sometimes I would say, “Well, it cost $100 a few years ago when I bought it and I’ve only worn it once. I invested in it. I should hold onto it. But…….it really doesn’t flatter me at all.” And, then I’d convince myself in a few split seconds that I should hold onto said item. Thinking that one day, a very special day when the sun will shine brightly on a 75 degree day with a warm breeze that everything will be exactly that: PERFECT! Then, only then, will I be able to wear this item. Does this sound insane to you? It does to me. Yet, we all do it. We justify, we bargain and negotiate with ourselves, we make unspoken agreements about that item, that relationship, that job, etc. Our brains are so dang good at talking us into buying something because we NEED it, it will never be on sale like this again, this brand is never going to offer this ‘thing’ at this price EVER again. We need to remember that our brains are also exceedingly good at talking us into keeping those items whether they have served their purpose or never been put to use at all (I’m looking at you, pestle and mortar). That unwanted article of clothing, hanging in the back of the closet with tags still attached, desperate to be washed and worn and be given that chance to serve its’ purpose is still waiting for you. Why are you holding onto it if you haven’t worn it yet?
Sunk cost is a cognitive bias that shows up in our lives across multiple fronts, as noted above. For the sake of today’s article, let’s focus on stuff. Our investment in things, items, clothing, housewares, gadgets, doodads, and other consumables are primarily bought to make our lives more livable, more comfortable, and even easier. All good things, of course. So, why do we have so much of it and why does it overwhelm us to the point of stuffed closets, garages, and every nook and cranny of our homes? At some point, many of us become buried in our own accumulation of things and we feel trapped or just plain old overwhelmed. Decluttering and letting go may be exactly where to start. Giving some basis to the sunk cost theory and allowing yourself to remove that emotional attachment to an item that no longer serves you.
EXPANDING THE DECLUTTERING MINDSET
In order for me to let go of my precious stuff, I had to determine its’ value first. I had to become objective and remove emotion from the equation. I had to ask multiple questions of myself depending on the article in question. And, I’m not intending to get into Marie Kondo’s, “Does it Bring me Joy” because that right there brings in emotion and I’m trying to remove emotion from the decision making, unfortunately. While I enjoy Marie Kondo’s take on things, it didn’t work for me because I found I would still justify the joy that ‘thing’ brought to my life and I’d reorganize and fold things nicely but I didn’t let that crap go. I just had more organized and folded crap, but the quantity never diminished. I had to be intuitive and thoughtful while keeping things balanced as I learned to embrace simplicity through this decluttering process. I asked these questions and they are in no particular order:
1.Do I use this item today? Fine. So keep it.
2. Will I use it in the near future? Be honest. Do you really think you will?
3. Does this have sentimental value? If so, is it worth keeping or no? Can you set aside a box for sentimental items and shelve it somewhere special so you can look at those things once a year or so?
4. Does it fit? If so, do I see myself wearing this at any time in the next year? If not, maybe put it in rotation soon to make sure you really like it and that the style and functionality fit your present lifestyle.
5. Can I use this up before it expires? Do I actually want to use it up?
6. Have I read this book? Am I actually going to read this book or is it going to sit here for another year waiting to be read?
7. Am I keeping this ‘just because’ or do I really see value in this item?
Let the Purging Begin
Any items I chose to declutter because they no longer serve me, I set them aside and review the pile(s). Then, when it comes time to remove these items from my home I ask the following questions and break it down to four new piles or boxes exclusive of the keep piles.
Sell on a resale website like Poshmark, Ebay, or on Facebook Marketplace.
Donate to a second hand store that benefits local charities or to Goodwill.
Gift to a freecycle or Buy Nothing group on Facebook.
Throw away. It either has holes, is ripped, is damaged, or expired (be sure to check local resources about tossing expired meds or electronics as there are places you can drop them off for proper handling and refuse)
All of that sounds oversimplified, doesn’t it? It sounds so easy, right? Why is it so hard for us to get rid of stuff and declutter? There is a psychology behind all of this and the emotions that propel us. Guilt, commitment bias, loss aversion, or just a general bent to not be wasteful contribute to our decision making around our investments in stuff. In some cases, it’s a combination of those factors.
For example, let’s say you purchase a staycation at a local hotel where you and your partner have dinner reservations and your partner has been looking forward to it for weeks. The hotel is non-refundable, the dinner reservations can be cancelled. The cost was $200 for the hotel but you come down with a bad cold a few days prior. You have a decision to make. The money is gone whether you go or not, so do you choose to go or do you choose to stay home and get much needed rest? If you go, you could set back your recovery and might not even be able to taste your food. You also risk passing your germs to others. You know you should stay home, but decide otherwise. What makes you commit to the hotel stay in the end? In this case, it might be guilt because you think your partner deserves this nice weekend, it might be loss aversion since you spent the money and don’t want to feel like you threw money down the drain. Whatever the reasoning, we all do this multiple times per day in relation to so many facets of our lives that we probably don’t give the psychology behind it a thought.
For us to declutter intuitively, we need to consider the fact that the money has been spent. You can’t get it back. I have used a few resale websites to sell my used shoes, purses, and clothing but I’m only getting back about 20-40% of the original cost, if I’m lucky. Obviously, there are outlying situations but, in general, I only resell things I think someone could use or find value in said item. Most of my stuff winds up gifted or donated and a few items do make their way into the trash. I had to let go of what the original cost was and then move on. I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s really hard to part with a nice handbag you spent a bunch of money on but eventually it became an impractical piece in your closet and only got used a handful of times. I have held onto things due to lack mentality thinking I may never have the money for this item in the future or because I didn’t have the money for it in the past. I have held onto things for the ‘just in case I need it someday’ even if I hadn’t touched it for years. We all do it. And, sometimes we just are too busy to notice the stuff accumulating around us. It just blurs into the background, the things we get so used to seeing to the point we don’t even notice them. We go about our lives buying and buying almost as if we are on autopilot.
Next time you are caught having to make a decision about whether you have lost an investment in your time, energy, money, or emotional expenditure stop yourself and think about the sunk cost fallacy. What can you learn about how you make decisions and how you navigate the thinking process around the situation? Can you let things go and relieve yourself from the burden of the past and move forward since you can’t get back what was spent in the first place? And, can you apply that lesson to a bit of decluttering in just one small part of your home?
We all have habits in our lives, things we do to self soothe, things we do without even thinking about them. Intentionality falls to the wayside if we aren’t diligent and paying attention to the minute details of our lives. I have learned through the years that it is very easy to fall into the daily grind, going through the motions, and being oblivious to ourselves and the world around us. This makes it easy for us to also fall into self gratification out of habit or out of sheer lack of consciousness, intention, or purpose.
Living in America, I feel as if many here go through life saying yes a whole lot more than they do saying no. I can’t speak on other cultures or regions of the world, but I can look around and vividly see, “Keeping up with the Joneses” playing out in many of our lives. And, I’m no exception to the rule. I was raised in the 70’s and 80’s and by the time I graduated college in 1992, I thought that my main goal was to procure employment, find a husband and get married, buy that house with the proverbial white picket fence, and settle down and have offspring. Period. That was all I thought was the American dream and, in my mind, there was not much variation to it. I created a fantasy world and had major FOMO as I watched my friends move along in the same manner with their lives and I became overly concerned that I wasn’t keeping up.
A better job. A bigger house. And, the list goes on. According to the following article, the average home size has increased 150% since 1980 in America and our median household size has decreased, in a similar respect. https://www.thezebra.com/resources/home/median-home-size-in-us/.
THE ADVENTURE TO SAYING NO
Life had a way of throwing me on some curvy roads and there was never a real straight and narrow path for me, surely most everyone can relate. None of us have a truly straight and narrow, but damn it would have been a gift to be given a break here and there! Honestly, there wasn’t even a straight expressway at any given point where I might have a chance to enjoy some luxurious driving lanes:
gif from Seinfeld Episode “The Pothole”
In my struggle to hang tightly to those curvy roads as life swayed and careened and propelled me forward, I indulged. And, then indulged even more. In my 20s, I was in the phase of want, striving to overcome a lack, mostly of money, but also of self esteem. My 30s rolled around and then began the decade of accumulating. Offspring, bigger homes, nicer cars, more wealth. Trying to impress people who, quite frankly, didn’t care in the least what kind of car I drove or how big my abode. Ringing in my 40s, the decade of major change that really started to manifest after age 44. I felt an internal struggle to shed layers, to stop saying yes to things that I knew weren’t in my best interest, and I leaned in to saying no. More and more. Shedding layers, shedding pretenses, and giving myself the opportunity to live with less, but yet I felt I was living with more and by the time I reached 50 I started to really comprehend that I could live with less and be happy. Saying no is starting to get easier!
MY EXPERIENCE WITH BAD HABITS
There are many reasons we fall into habits and there have been countless books written about the psychology behind why we do what we do and why we fall into habits that aren’t good for us and habits that can change our course positively, as well. My new habit had to become saying NO. I had to learn how to create a new pattern of behavior. I was in a rut of buying just for the habit of buying. Amazon impulse purchases were my best friend. Sometimes I thought a new dress would make me look a few years younger. Other times, I figured I’d try a new supplement program. I am terrible at sticking to supplements on a daily basis, not sure why it’s taken me this long to just accept this about myself. I mean, who was I trying to fool? I have thrown away so many supplements, it’s honestly embarrassing. Another bad habit I had was buying the next best moisturizing cream, retinol cream, or skin care routine. I spent hundreds, maybe thousands on products that I’d forget to use or use for a short period of time only to move on to something else. If it had 10K Amazon reviews, it must be worth the $50, right? Many times it was wasted money because the products would expire or get thrown out over time if I no longer found value in them. So much for those reviews. I really needed to know myself. I needed to be completely honest and realize I just wasn’t going to be the girl who got her eyebrows done, who wore foundation and concealer and had contoured cheeks. I let the wind, the sun, and my smile do that for me now.
WHAT NEEDED TO CHANGE
A lot of things needed to change. I didn’t just need to stop shopping or impulse buying. I had to create new goals for myself, a new reason for simplifying my life, and I had to be specific. The best way to do that is to find a WHY. Your why may be different from mine. Maybe it’s just to save for retirement or to contribute to a more sustainable lifestyle to conserve our Earth’s resources. Or maybe you want to pay off your mortgage a few years early or take an all-inclusive vacation in a few years. Paying off credit card debt or other consumer debt are usually pretty high on most people’s lists as well as having slush funds or saving for your children’s college education. There are so many reasons we may want to start saying NO. Motivation is key. Commitment to the goal is key. But, for me, I really wanted to settle in to a life with less. It became more than just saying NO. It became a determination to live in contentment, to stop bringing in trinkets and things for me to inventory in my home. I wanted LESS so that I could have MORE. Are there things you might be willing to say NO to in order to find more expansive peace or contentment in your life? What might you be willing to give up or what habits might you change to help you find greater contentment?
After going through 90% of my belongings and decluttering about 30-40% of it all I decided I still had no need to buy quite a few things for 2023. Now, that is barring some sort of catastrophe or natural disaster, which I’m really hoping doesn’t happen in the upcoming year. I wanted to create a list of things that will be either a No Buy or help me continue with the Low Buy habit.
MY LIST
I searched through cabinets, under sinks, in every nook and cranny and I realized that I will no longer be needing to buy toothpaste. Not even the travel size ones! Once I discovered this and determined this to be my ‘Win Number 1’, I wanted to go through my house and inventory the rest of my belongings. Here’s what I will no longer need to buy in 2023:
Toothpaste and toothbrushes as well as dental floss
Facial moisturizer: Thankfully I don’t have sensitive skin. For a while there I was on a roll trying different moisturizers and buying whatever was the next best recommended thing for my sahara dry skin. I live in a desert climate and felt that I deserve to treat my skin to a lot of moisture. Needless to say, there is plenty since the marketing geniuses of the world clearly have an inside track to my buying habits! These will all get used up this year, for sure.
Makeup: I decluttered all my makeup last fall. Discarded mascara that smelled funny and lipsticks, too. I have minimized my makeup down to the essentials that I value, trust, and those which are consistently used in my routine. I only have one mascara right now so I will replace that when it’s empty but I will not be accumulating more than one.
Shampoo and conditioner and hair care products: I have enough, ’nuff said.
Deodorant
Soap: both body soap and liquid body wash
Shoes: I have too many. After my big decluttering last year where I got rid of over 25 pairs of shoes, I still find myself feeling like I should do a second round. For now, the only shoes I see needing to replace will be my pickleball court shoes since I wear those 3x a week and once the soles wear to flat, they become slick on the court and I will need to replace.
Hosiery or socks
Bras or sport bras
Yoga leggings: This is another category which needs to be further decluttered. I still have too many. Working from home since the pandemic has given rise to a plethora of yoga pants. I have no need for more!
Sunscreen: I bought a lot last year and we have quite a bit to use up. Sunscreen does become expired or ineffective (or so I’m told) so I am going to try to work through what we have on hand for now.
Body lotion: This is a big one. Every room of my house has bottles of lotion half empty. My goal is to use them up before buying anything new.
Hair care items, in general. That includes hair ties, brushes, headbands, bobby pins, hair spray, volumizing sprays, dry shampoo, etc.
Perfume: I rarely wear it and I have plenty of what I do own.
Room freshener sprays
Books: The library has free downloads or books, if I need them. Although, I’m not a huge book reader, I do have a few I still need to get through before I even need to visit a library. And, the internet has great resources, blogs, and other informative places for me to spend my time reading if I need.
No more camping gear: NADA. This is a big one for me! We are avid outdoorsy folk. Camping and hiking is our weekend pastime and I am always looking for a better backpack, a sturdier camp mattress, or a new shelter for the campsite. We have so much stuff and I know we have everything we need. The last REI coupon I got in the mail, I threw it out before even looking at the website. Then I patted myself on the back, pulled the coupon out of the trash, and then tore the coupon up so as to completely avoid temptation. Some new habits are harder to follow and this is one that gets me all the time. So far so good this year! I’m really hoping I hold steady for the next 10 months!
CLOTHING: This is a big one and the main reason I decided to do a low buy year. I am constantly lured by the newest and cutest piece of clothing, thinking that somehow it will magically make me cuter. Umm, I’m getting older every year and clothes aren’t going to make me younger despite my best efforts and wastefulness. I have pared my closet down so much over the last year, by about 40%. I feel really good about what I have and I know I still have more than I need.
Kitchen gadgets: Last year I bought an air fryer and a rice cooker and some supplies to make homemade kombucha. I really don’t see me needing any other gadgets for cooking. I have one frying pan that might need to be replaced but I think it will make it through the year.
Candles: I have a few in the cabinets that are brand new and a few others around the house. I need to burn what I have before buying any new ones. I have deleted all email lists for those kinds of products.
Cleaning products and disinfectants: I am working on using up what I have under the sink and in the laundry room. I am hoping to move to homemade and natural cleaners in the future. I can pretty much guarantee that I won’t be needing to buy any cleaning products this year.
Handbags and purses. Another large category before I decluttered and I sold a few of my collection on resale sites. No more! I kept a few smaller bags that are easier to clean out and have some perceived usefulness.
Houseplants or flowers, even if I kill the houseplants I have now!
Nail polish. Another category where I have plenty!
No facials: I plan on doing my own facials at home. I purchased a few acid peels and skin care items last year that will come in handy during this no buy year.
Food delivery: I never really get food delivered anyway, but that also includes grocery delivery. I had calculated how much I was spending in Instacart during the pandemic and it was averaging $60 a month!
Wine and alcohol (well, mostly wine): I quit drinking a few months ago for health reasons. Last year, though, I was probably spending about $50 a month on wine.
Office supplies: I have pens, paper, printer paper, staples, tape, etc. I don’t foresee needing anything further.
Decor, decor, and decor! I love decor. I am often perusing websites looking for inspiration to enhance my living space, to make my couch more cozy, to freshen up the look of a bathroom or wall space. Not this year. I’m gonna have to pass.
Last on my list (which I know could be longer but, in an effort as to not bore the reader, I will stop here): Eyeglasses. I usually go to the optometrist once a year and then wind up getting a new pair which runs me around $250. My insurance covers a lot of the cost so I justified it. I am now the proud owner of about 5 pairs of prescription glasses even though my actual prescription hasn’t changed over the years. I really don’t need another pair when I have a pair for the car, the kitchen, the bedroom, the office, and the living room!
TO SUMMARIZE
It’s amazing how enlightening it can be to evaluate your belongings and really appreciate what you own. What you have can be gone tomorrow. The truth is, stuff is just stuff. It doesn’t make you smarter or more patient or a better friend. It helps you create an image of who you project into the world and I think, now that I’m in my 50s, I feel comfortable with who I am and with the image I present and carry to others. I’m never going to buy $200 skincare. I can barely remember to put on basic moisturizer in the morning. I’m a simple person. I’ve tried to convince myself to buy into trendy makeup, skincare, hair care, nail salon offerings, and so many other image enhancing accoutrements. Over time, though, I have reverted back to simplicity. Practicing a low buy mentality feels like a natural progression for me. I fell prey to marketers and their tactics on and off through the years. It’s not that I don’t like nice things or expensive things. I just know that I won’t use them to their fullest or I’ll be wasteful with it because I’m just not as attentive to taking care of my things or caring to take care of ‘things’. And, I’m finally realizing that it’s OK to be a non-consumer, to scale back, to declutter, to reevaluate my spending and how I choose to invest my hard earned money, and to where I choose to invest my time. Maybe you can find inspiration to do the same? Thank you for following me on this journey!
You know the feeling of impending doom? Have you ever seen the red flags AND actually listened to them? Do you know the unmitigated joy you feel when you actually are proactive and the timing of everything falls into place? Yeah, neither did I…..until the past few months!
I had a feeling months ago that my job was in jeopardy, you know the proverbial ‘writing on the wall’. I started to work my budget and prepare to take a job that might pay less, which did happen in actuality, because I could just sense that something was wrong. I also spent my free time decluttering, organizing my life, selling said decluttered items on websites like Poshmark, and honing in on my budget. I called it my ‘just in case’ plan. I think we all need to have some sort of plan for a possible job loss or unforeseen medical emergency or career setback. But, my thinking wasn’t just to have extra savings (you know, those three months of living expenses put away that should be part of your emergency savings) because what I wanted was to create a new lifestyle to assist me in the change I knew was coming.
By all accounts, everything in life was relatively normal, yet I was feeling an inner turmoil and dissatisfaction. Despite the normalcy, I was driven internally to unload my stress, but the stress of what? Turns out it was the stress of having too much stuff. Too much stuff that I had to manage, clean, organize, catalog, and maintain. Things that I spent money on and now realize those things were no longer serving me. I was grateful to everything I owned. I was, and still am, grateful for my life and everything in it. But, I knew it was time for change. Working from home gave me access to all my things and those things, in turn, stressed me out and made me feel wasteful, selfish, entitled, and a poor steward of my money. I wanted to do better. I wanted to be better.
The purging of my stuff became, not to sound cliche, but a rebirth for me, an awareness of how I wanted to move on with my life. I still look around my house and wonder, “Does that (insert random article or household item/clothing/closet dweller, etc) really fit my lifestyle today?”. I have developed a new way to observe my surroundings. I want to live in a home that is calm, peaceful, easy to clean and keep up, and aesthetically soothing to my senses. The past few months have been a journey in my personal life, but I also knew that my professional life was a ticking time bomb.
The Dreaded Walking Papers!
When I was let go AKA fired from my job AKA given my walking papers, I realized I was prepared for the news. I had put wheels in motion in so many ways in my life that I felt like I had a good handle on the saying, “When the Sh*t Hits the Fan” because I was ready for it. My boss told me the deal and was pretty non-emotive about it, not surprisingly, and I found myself pumping my fists. Most big life changes or challenges we aren’t able to prepare for so, in this example, I actually found myself proud to have put forethought into my professional life. It felt life a victory, and I know deep down it truly was just that!
What I learned through this brief period in my life is that being proactive with my low buy rules, setting proper expectations on myself for spending and saving and in my career, and listening to my intuition were key to me finding peace in a situation that many find unnerving and terrifying. I have a new job lined up to start in a few weeks. For now, I am unemployed and still pushing through my to do list, finding gratitude in the small things of life, and I’m still pumping my fists because I’m being given the opportunity to explore a new career path, to meet new work associates, and to keep exercising my brain even when I am not sure I can put much else into it on some days!
Forbes has an informative article here https://www.forbes.com/sites/joshuabecker/2020/10/29/the-ultimate-guide-to-a-no-buy-year/?sh=6bb85716244f on how to do a no buy year, which many also refer to as a no spend year or no shopping year or even just a low shopping year where you limit specific categories of spending. Implementing a low buy or a no buy and frugal lifestyle can truly help you prepare for a job loss. But, for any lifestyle change to work, you have to be willing to implement those changes, adopt a new mindset, and take action that may not be popular or may contradict how you currently enjoy living your life. One thing we can all agree on about life is that it is unpredictable. If implementing some proactive frugality can help you prepare for a life altering event, why not give it a try?
When I decided to do a Low Buy Year aka modified No Buy Year, I realized I needed to be flexible with the parameters. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t making excuses to purchase something, but I also knew that sometimes the ‘really good deal’ is actually a ‘really good deal’, giving me an excuse to break my rules. I also knew that if I was too strict with those rules, I was going to be less apt to follow them and it would all backfire on me. To assist me with this, I employed this one very important tactic:
TAKING INVENTORY!
In order for me to take inventory of my belongings, I needed to implement two practices. One was decluttering and the other was organizing the things remaining after I decluttered. I’ll cover both those topics and the strategies I used to implement those tactics in future posts. For today, I wanted to focus on inventory.
Everything we own takes up physical space and we have to find a place for it somewhere in our residences. It also took mental space whether we were reading blogs or watching Tik Tok or Instagram videos about that perfect mascara or whether we were researching which rain gear was best for an Alaskan cruise. In addition, that item took up calendar space/time while we traveled to shop for the item in person or while browsing our favorite retailers online to price compare. If we look at the time, energy, and cost of every item we own we would be astounded at how much we actually have invested in our ‘stuff’. I wanted to come up with some rules and boundaries for my low buy year. To do that, I really had to know what I had first and I had be honest. I didn’t want my efforts to be a lesson in futility, I wanted to it be productive and beneficial towards my overall well-being and mental health. Down to every last lipstick, nail polish, towels in the linen closet, and even my holiday decor. ALL OF IT was inventoried in some way.
I know it sounds overwhelming to look around your home or apartment and think of every single item you own and actually counting it. I didn’t keep track on a spreadsheet or anything, but I did take note of the things I truly will not need to purchase this year because I have plenty. And, the process I used was not something I did in a day, a week, or even a month. I took my time and went closet by closet, room by room, and eventually completed the garage and the kitchen cabinets, as well. All in all, I would say this was a good 6 months of consistent assessment.
THE NON-SHOPPING LIST
What truly helped me was making a list of things I know I didn’t need to buy this year because I had enough to get me through at least 9 months or possibly a year. The amount of skincare items I had accumulated were giving me anxiety, to be honest. I used to get turned on by the latest and greatest makeup trend or skincare solution to the point where I had 4 different full size moisturizers, 3 various retinol products, and multiple eye creams, Vitamin C serums, neck creams, etc. The problem with this is that these products will expire. The magic ingredients (you know, the ones that will make all my wrinkles and saggy skin disappear) break down resulting in products which may be deemed ineffective or even unsafe. I was doing myself a disservice while I also lined the pockets of some very happy retail companies (I’m looking at you Sephora and Ulta). And, so, I made a list of things I didn’t need to buy. I thought of it as a Non-Shopping List. Instead of a grocery list for purchases, I did the opposite and I would bring that list with me when I went shopping to remind myself that I didn’t need a certain item whether that be makeup related, a household cleaning product, or body lotion. I mean, am I the only woman on the planet who has hand/body lotion in nearly every room of the house?
Make that List: You do You
I don’t really have to tell you how to make a list. We all know how to do it. Yet, some of us are too lazy to care. Some of us are unmotivated. Some of us are overwhelmed and don’t think they can find the time. While others are perfectly happy accumulating things and buying more plastic organizing bins, trays, and totes to store all the things. I’ll admit I was that person not too long ago. Yet, I knew it was time to take inventory, to simplify my life, and being mindful in taking stock of where I spent my hard earned income was going to be necessary for me to find a path to a modified minimalism and to a less cluttered life.
If you aren’t the app type person, a simple piece of notebook paper and a pen really help. And yes, I’m stating the obvious here. Personally, that’s my preferred method until I accidentally throw it out while trying to find my dang car keys at the bottom of all that purse clutter, gathering up the random receipts and pieces of paper. I’m still a paper and pen kind of gal, but no method is perfect. I promised myself that these low buy changes would be small baby steps for myself. Apparently, I am not quite ready to use the organizing list making apps shared above so maybe it’s time to update my habit here?
Hence, what I noted above: YOU DO YOU. Whatever works and floats your boat. Do yourself a favor and just for giggles, go ahead and see how many tubes of toothpaste are around your house. Collect them up. Check the kid’s bathroom and all the drawers and cabinets under the sinks, the guest bathroom, the spare bin of toiletries in the linen closet or laundry room. And, don’t forget to count those travel sizes or the ones your dentist gives you for free twice a year if you’re going for regular cleanings. We all have our unique style of managing our homes and it’s never a one size fits all when it comes to household management. Yet, I’m really hoping that none of you will have to buy toothpaste for the rest of the calendar year! Go ahead and take inventory and make that non-shopping list!
Did that post title catch your eye? I could have also titled it, “I am an Instagram Influencer”, or “I am a Sheep Herder”. Throw in whatever title or job description (sensical or otherwise) you can come up with and proclaim it! I am truly none of those things nor do I desire to be.
Technically, I can be anything I want to be and I can shout it from the rooftops, but does it really make it true? True to myself? True to my vision and able to be implemented in the reality of my life today? In a previous post found here https://simpleminimalmidlife.com/contemplating-a-no-buy-year/ I alluded to the fact that I had reasons for overspending after my divorce. One of which was living for my ‘Fantasy Self’. The image I was trying to create was who I wanted to be, who I wanted others to perceive me as, and who I felt I needed to be as a middle aged woman entering the workforce after 16 years of being a homeschooling stay at home mom.
Defining ‘Fantasy Self’
Before diving in to my personal reasons for overspending, I wanted to provide some context around the term ‘fantasy self’. To a child, they might hear the words and think about a land of make believe and magic. And, really, that’s not far off from the meaning for adults, either. I mean, I can have a designer wardrobe of Balenciaga, Prada, St Laurent, and the shoes and handbags to accessorize said brands, but I would also be in debt up to my eyeballs. Instead, I settled into a milder debt created by shopping at Ann Taylor, Athleta, Coach, and Banana Republic. Looking back, I should have just gone BIG and spent the dang money. I mean, you can’t take it with you when you pass, right? Ahem, all kidding aside. Any debt you can’t repay or that isn’t within your budget is not good for you or your wallet.
My fantasy self was created because I wanted to fit in to current trends and fashion, to feel sexy, to be and feel relevant, to prove to the world that I could make it on my own, and to mostly prove it to myself. My self-worth and self-doubt were at an all time low. Divorce will do that to you, even if you know you tried your best and it’s never just one person’s fault. I spent money at a time when it was the absolute worst time for me to do so. And, even if I had the money in savings, I ignored my financial future and I became a marketing company’s dream consumer.
4 Things that contributed to the creation of my fantasy self:
Justification
Excuses
Entitlement
Scarcity/lack mentality
Can you relate to the above or does anything resonate personally as you explore the idea of a fantasy self? For me, I would tell myself all kinds of lies about how I needed something, that it would make my life better. I cajoled, coddled, placated, and convinced myself that ‘things’ would improve some aspect of my life where I felt there was lack. Sometimes things do make our lives better, but I certainly didn’t NEED everything I was buying. The image I was creating wasn’t me, it was who I wanted to be and whom I thought others wanted to see. Today I have acceptance of who I am and I am reworking my habits and behaviors to just let that stuff go. The shiny objects still appeal to me, but I find it easier to walk or browse past them while appreciating their beauty and just saying no!
I suggested this to myself back in January of 2022. A little lightbulb went off above my head and I pretty much said, “Heck Yeah! That sounds like a great idea!” Much to my disappointment, the year did not go as planned. I spent money. More than I needed to despite having some debt I needed to tackle and a retirement fund I should be shoring up. Where did I go wrong?
Not to say that spending money is bad because we all need to spend money to pay for a roof over our heads, basic utilities, automotive/transportation costs, food in our bellies, and basic personal care needs which vary from person to person. What I’m referring to is my penchant for buying a new pair of buttery soft leggings for my yoga practice, which I do at home where no one can see me anyway. I mean, technically, I could do yoga in my pajamas, right? Ahh, but the siren’s call of 25% off with 5% cash back was calling my name. As it always does, and will continue to do so, unless something changes. Marketers know how to persuade us and to tell us what we need, as evidenced by this article here: https://hbr.org/2011/12/know-what-your-customers-want-before-they-do. The more you know about what they know about you, the more awareness you’ll have when you pull out your hard earned cash to buy something.
Change Is Coming
And, so, I would proclaim, “That’s It! I’m done buying anything I don’t actually need unless it’s a replacement for something I’ve used up or is broken!” As a result of my proclamation I would then ask myself a few questions to make sure I was really paying attention and, honestly, doing my best to dig deep. In the process of making these inquiries, I started to change my perspective, I became a consumer of ideas and lifestyles of simplicity, frugality, sustainability, and intentional living. I learned a lot of lessons this past year and asked myself these 5 questions:
Am I addicted to shopping and consumerism? If so, why?
What can I change in my habits to help redirect myself from temptation?
How can I set myself up for success in the future and learn from my mistakes?
Can I learn more about fast fashion, sustainability, and apply what I learn to my buying habits?
How can I set better intentions for both protecting the planet’s resources while also protecting my wallet?
Each of those 5 questions I intend to address in future blog posts. I am far from being a minimalist even though I love the concept and currently devour all that I can about the topic. I love clothes and shoes too much to narrow myself down to a capsule wardrobe. But, I truly believe that even small changes in the form of new habits can reward us in the future even if you don’t identify with minimalism, frugality, or 33 items (or 50 or whatever item number is in fashion right now) in your closet. Every step towards living with intention and conscious awareness of financial choices and consumer practices are a victory in my book.
