Did that post title catch your eye? I could have also titled it, “I am an Instagram Influencer”, or “I am a Sheep Herder”. Throw in whatever title or job description (sensical or otherwise) you can come up with and proclaim it! I am truly none of those things nor do I desire to be.
Technically, I can be anything I want to be and I can shout it from the rooftops, but does it really make it true? True to myself? True to my vision and able to be implemented in the reality of my life today? In a previous post found here https://simpleminimalmidlife.com/contemplating-a-no-buy-year/ I alluded to the fact that I had reasons for overspending after my divorce. One of which was living for my ‘Fantasy Self’. The image I was trying to create was who I wanted to be, who I wanted others to perceive me as, and who I felt I needed to be as a middle aged woman entering the workforce after 16 years of being a homeschooling stay at home mom.
Defining ‘Fantasy Self’
Before diving in to my personal reasons for overspending, I wanted to provide some context around the term ‘fantasy self’. To a child, they might hear the words and think about a land of make believe and magic. And, really, that’s not far off from the meaning for adults, either. I mean, I can have a designer wardrobe of Balenciaga, Prada, St Laurent, and the shoes and handbags to accessorize said brands, but I would also be in debt up to my eyeballs. Instead, I settled into a milder debt created by shopping at Ann Taylor, Athleta, Coach, and Banana Republic. Looking back, I should have just gone BIG and spent the dang money. I mean, you can’t take it with you when you pass, right? Ahem, all kidding aside. Any debt you can’t repay or that isn’t within your budget is not good for you or your wallet.
My fantasy self was created because I wanted to fit in to current trends and fashion, to feel sexy, to be and feel relevant, to prove to the world that I could make it on my own, and to mostly prove it to myself. My self-worth and self-doubt were at an all time low. Divorce will do that to you, even if you know you tried your best and it’s never just one person’s fault. I spent money at a time when it was the absolute worst time for me to do so. And, even if I had the money in savings, I ignored my financial future and I became a marketing company’s dream consumer.
4 Things that contributed to the creation of my fantasy self:
- Justification
- Excuses
- Entitlement
- Scarcity/lack mentality
Can you relate to the above or does anything resonate personally as you explore the idea of a fantasy self? For me, I would tell myself all kinds of lies about how I needed something, that it would make my life better. I cajoled, coddled, placated, and convinced myself that ‘things’ would improve some aspect of my life where I felt there was lack. Sometimes things do make our lives better, but I certainly didn’t NEED everything I was buying. The image I was creating wasn’t me, it was who I wanted to be and whom I thought others wanted to see. Today I have acceptance of who I am and I am reworking my habits and behaviors to just let that stuff go. The shiny objects still appeal to me, but I find it easier to walk or browse past them while appreciating their beauty and just saying no!
This is beautifully vulnerable. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. <3