We all have habits in our lives, things we do to self soothe, things we do without even thinking about them. Intentionality falls to the wayside if we aren’t diligent and paying attention to the minute details of our lives. I have learned through the years that it is very easy to fall into the daily grind, going through the motions, and being oblivious to ourselves and the world around us. This makes it easy for us to also fall into self gratification out of habit or out of sheer lack of consciousness, intention, or purpose.
Living in America, I feel as if many here go through life saying yes a whole lot more than they do saying no. I can’t speak on other cultures or regions of the world, but I can look around and vividly see, “Keeping up with the Joneses” playing out in many of our lives. And, I’m no exception to the rule. I was raised in the 70’s and 80’s and by the time I graduated college in 1992, I thought that my main goal was to procure employment, find a husband and get married, buy that house with the proverbial white picket fence, and settle down and have offspring. Period. That was all I thought was the American dream and, in my mind, there was not much variation to it. I created a fantasy world and had major FOMO as I watched my friends move along in the same manner with their lives and I became overly concerned that I wasn’t keeping up.
A better job. A bigger house. And, the list goes on. According to the following article, the average home size has increased 150% since 1980 in America and our median household size has decreased, in a similar respect. https://www.thezebra.com/resources/home/median-home-size-in-us/.
THE ADVENTURE TO SAYING NO
Life had a way of throwing me on some curvy roads and there was never a real straight and narrow path for me, surely most everyone can relate. None of us have a truly straight and narrow, but damn it would have been a gift to be given a break here and there! Honestly, there wasn’t even a straight expressway at any given point where I might have a chance to enjoy some luxurious driving lanes:
gif from Seinfeld Episode “The Pothole”
In my struggle to hang tightly to those curvy roads as life swayed and careened and propelled me forward, I indulged. And, then indulged even more. In my 20s, I was in the phase of want, striving to overcome a lack, mostly of money, but also of self esteem. My 30s rolled around and then began the decade of accumulating. Offspring, bigger homes, nicer cars, more wealth. Trying to impress people who, quite frankly, didn’t care in the least what kind of car I drove or how big my abode. Ringing in my 40s, the decade of major change that really started to manifest after age 44. I felt an internal struggle to shed layers, to stop saying yes to things that I knew weren’t in my best interest, and I leaned in to saying no. More and more. Shedding layers, shedding pretenses, and giving myself the opportunity to live with less, but yet I felt I was living with more and by the time I reached 50 I started to really comprehend that I could live with less and be happy. Saying no is starting to get easier!
MY EXPERIENCE WITH BAD HABITS
There are many reasons we fall into habits and there have been countless books written about the psychology behind why we do what we do and why we fall into habits that aren’t good for us and habits that can change our course positively, as well. My new habit had to become saying NO. I had to learn how to create a new pattern of behavior. I was in a rut of buying just for the habit of buying. Amazon impulse purchases were my best friend. Sometimes I thought a new dress would make me look a few years younger. Other times, I figured I’d try a new supplement program. I am terrible at sticking to supplements on a daily basis, not sure why it’s taken me this long to just accept this about myself. I mean, who was I trying to fool? I have thrown away so many supplements, it’s honestly embarrassing. Another bad habit I had was buying the next best moisturizing cream, retinol cream, or skin care routine. I spent hundreds, maybe thousands on products that I’d forget to use or use for a short period of time only to move on to something else. If it had 10K Amazon reviews, it must be worth the $50, right? Many times it was wasted money because the products would expire or get thrown out over time if I no longer found value in them. So much for those reviews. I really needed to know myself. I needed to be completely honest and realize I just wasn’t going to be the girl who got her eyebrows done, who wore foundation and concealer and had contoured cheeks. I let the wind, the sun, and my smile do that for me now.
WHAT NEEDED TO CHANGE
A lot of things needed to change. I didn’t just need to stop shopping or impulse buying. I had to create new goals for myself, a new reason for simplifying my life, and I had to be specific. The best way to do that is to find a WHY. Your why may be different from mine. Maybe it’s just to save for retirement or to contribute to a more sustainable lifestyle to conserve our Earth’s resources. Or maybe you want to pay off your mortgage a few years early or take an all-inclusive vacation in a few years. Paying off credit card debt or other consumer debt are usually pretty high on most people’s lists as well as having slush funds or saving for your children’s college education. There are so many reasons we may want to start saying NO. Motivation is key. Commitment to the goal is key. But, for me, I really wanted to settle in to a life with less. It became more than just saying NO. It became a determination to live in contentment, to stop bringing in trinkets and things for me to inventory in my home. I wanted LESS so that I could have MORE. Are there things you might be willing to say NO to in order to find more expansive peace or contentment in your life? What might you be willing to give up or what habits might you change to help you find greater contentment?