Why do Dry January when you can do a Dry Year or a Dry Lifetime? I was never one to do New Year’s Resolutions or capitulate to society’s mantras about ‘New Year, New You’. The one thing I know about myself is that I can’t force myself to change my existing habits nor can I create new habits in just 30 days. I never understood Dry January. Just 30 days? What is it this is trying to accomplish? Many use it as a reset or a detox from the debauchery or overindulgence from the holidays. But, if you are trying to change your life, why not go big? 30 days is a drop in the bucket of our lifetimes and, I, personally need more than 30 days to become a ‘new me’. So, I chose to drop alcohol from my life on a random September day. No new year. No new month. But, I knew I needed to change my habit.
About 18 months ago I knew I had a problem. I was drinking a lot of wine. And, by a lot, I mean a half bottle nightly during the week. Maybe that’s not a lot to some people, but it was for me only because I became dependent on the habit and I knew it. Deep down, I knew it. On weekends, I was definitely consuming more. I would plan my life around wine and I let it define my patterns of behavior. I overlooked the crappy hangovers, the poor sleep, the high blood pressure, and the nagging morning cough which, miraculously, went away after I quit the booze. I didn’t, and still don’t, indentify as an alcoholic. I didn’t crave alcohol, I didn’t need it to function, and I knew I could quit if I so desired. Umm, hello, girl, does the term ‘alcohol use disorder’ maybe fit the bill? But, for a few years, I just didn’t want to. My habits had become engrained and changing habits is hard work. It was work I wasn’t willing to do because I was convinced wine was making my life better and, even more tolerable, in many ways. I sold myself lies, I bought into the mantras about needing wine to cope with a bad day, or to celebrate a good day. Bad day; drink wine. Good day; also drink wine. It was a win win!
There are statistics out now which state that there is an increase of alcohol abuse disorder in middle aged women. See here for a good read on the topic: https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-06-23/binge-drinking-in-middle-age-has-wine-mom-culture-gone-too-far
We’ve all see the cute mantras about “mommy wine culture”, right? Ding, ding…..that’s me! I would navigate my habits around my desire to hold that wine glass in my hand. My life revolved around my bad habit. For example, my boyfriend and I live separately about 15 minutes apart from each other in the city. I would often be at his house on a Sunday afternoon and we’d have a glass or two, or more, if we spread it out during the day. I’d be looking at the clock and paying close attention to the buzz I might have and hoping I could hold off and curb the wine so that I would be OK to drive myself home. I would anxiously think about how I wanted to be home so I could pour myself another glass and not have to worry about driving. I mean, come on, think about how much thought went into this habit of mine. It took mental energy to plan how much I would drink, how long I would take to drink it, and how much I should eat to make sure I don’t get too drunk too fast, and then I’d plan how much more I could drink once I got home so that I wouldn’t be hungover in the morning. So much freaking mental energy. I look back on it now and I think I was bordering on insanity. But, I wasn’t. This was a habit which had me in it’s grip, though, and I knew something had to change.
Not all habits are bad, of course. And, most of what we do during the day is all force of habit. Brushing our teeth, backing the car out of the driveway, which shoe we tie first, and so on. And, I may not have quit drinking so soon if it hadn’t been for a serious bout of chronic alcohol induced gastritis where I felt like someone had stabbed my belly with a knife and turned it a few extra times, for good measure. It was a day of multiple wine tasting rooms, going from one winery to another mindlessly drinking and getting pretty dang drunk along the way. I topped off the night by consuming more wine to add more bodily abuse which, most likely, contributed to my stomach horror the next day. This definitely gave me a real reason to pause and I’m not sure why it hadn’t done so in the past. Throw in the fact that my cardiologist suggested I cut back the alcohol to lower my blood pressure….or else. The ‘or else’ was the fact that he was going to prescribe high blood pressure medication and I wasn’t quite ready to admit I required medication. What I think was so nice of him was that he gently told me to cut back, instead of ordering me to quit. I wonder if most of his patients fought giving up alcohol altogether and in order to get more wins with patients he tells them to cut back to 1-2 drinks per day instead of 4? I was in good health or at least I appeared to be. Yet, the physical side effects were there. I would wake up with a fuzzy coating on my tongue, headache, stomach pain, groggy, my eyes would hurt and be blurry, and I had a weird morning cough that I couldn’t explain. Oh, and throw in the super high blood pressure of 150/95 and I still fought giving up the wine.
SIMPLIFY to SIMPLIFY
When I gave up the pinot noir, I set myself free. Yet, I really didn’t feel free at first. I felt constricted and controlled by my old habit that didn’t want to die. My deprived habit driven mind was telling me I was missing out, I wouldn’t be able to have as much fun as everyone else, I’d be labeled a loser or a bore. In the end, though, I have truly simplified my life by not drinking alcohol. I don’t have to wait for a rideshare and I definitely don’t have to pay for one! I can remember which bar we went to at night and I can drive myself home from dinners out, nightclubs, and holiday parties. Freedom! What a concept. I have also saved quite a bit of money, as well. My blood pressure is in the normal range and has remained there for the past year. I no longer need meds and my stomach seems to be healing. The more steps I take to simplify my life, the better my life becomes. I didn’t realize how quitting drinking would contribute to my simple life and my determination to have less in order to have more. But, what quitting booze gave me was the chance to sit with the whys of ‘habits’ I had developed in life, it gave me the chance to sit with my emotions, and it allowed me to connect with myself in ways I never considered. I faced anger, depression, sadness, and frustration. It opened my eyes to how dependent I was on that buzz and how it controlled me. For something to generate those emotions, damn, that is something pretty powerful.
In the end, I wanted to create a new destiny. A chance to right my health, while gathering more mental clarity. I had discounted how much alcohol played a part in my life. I crave simplicity now and I have alcohol to thank for contributing to my journey, even if it’s not an active participant anymore.